Big Bands at Small Venues

This is a lamentation of a man whom would like to see a show, but will be unable to attend. Yes there have been many shows missed in my life. But once in a while you find a band that is only headed up, and for one brief moment they hang on the cusp of popularity. While hanging on said cusp it is not uncommon to see bands like these play small venues that cannot nearly contain the awesomness.

This Sunday a party shall be had in Oakland. At a tiny little venue called "The Stork Club," a very large and most assuredly loud band will be playing. The band is Red Fang. Now I'm sure this won't be the only time I'll be able to see them live, I'm just guessing it will be the only chance at such a small venue.

Monotonix playing the Stork Club

I'm guessing the show will look something like this. It will no doubt be eight kinds of awesome, and it is something I will regret missing. For a couple of hours anyway, then I'll get over it.

Semi Annual Weekly Blatant Filler Beer Review

It has been a fortnight since I have written and I apologize (to myself because I am the only one that reads this). I was inspired to write (or as it's known in the 21st century: blog) when I found a limited release Barley Wine at my local 7-11.

That's right, I said 7-11. Right next to the moldy bacon, just beyond the Chelada (Bud Light and Clamato), I found Lagunitas' Gnarly Wine.


Lagunitas made Gnarly Wine as their take on a Barley Wine style beer. Barley Wine is quickly becoming the wine for beer connoisseurs. It is not quite wine because it usually has a high alcohol content (8-11%) like wine, but made from grain and not fruit, so it is a beer!

So far I have not been wooed by barley wine, but I have not had too many of them. I can tell you that this one began working on me, it was pretty damn tasty. Barley wines I have had before, are very sweet, which was the case here. Gnarly Wine had a strong brown sugar taste to it, sweeter than I am used to, but I liked it. It has a much thicker feel to it than regular beer, and their is no getting around the fact that this guy is a strong 11% beer. Its effect on me was almost instant.

Barley wine connoisseurs go through great lengths to make it seem more like actual wine. They do this by aging bottles of it for many months or even years. And if I were more patient I would do this as well, but unfortunately if I buy a bottle of beer it won't last more than a couple nights, let alone a month or year. Not to say I haven't thought about trying it! Perhaps I'll leave that to the pros and just continue enjoying my beer rather than storing it for a later date.

Of all the Lamity

I feel like blog posts should be a proving ground for new words. Like "Lamity."

Lamity:
Of and or being like and resembling anything that is not awesome and/or rad.

"When Micheal Bolton is in the house, lamity will insue."

Okay, so its not the best word. The lamity today has been that I have no interesting stories of clowns, or radtarded hair styles to tell you about. But I do have this, the best (and most elaborate) way to pour a beer (in German):




I too have always loved the sound an empty bottle makes in the morning.

Weekly Weekend Blatant Filler Beer Review (WWBFBR)

I mentioned in this post, that I am in fact from rural America (thats Uhmurikah if your G.W.). And while I live and work and get rad in the city, a little piece of me still lies with the wide open spaces of the heartland. And tonight I had a beer that embodied this better than any I've had before it. Trout Slayer Ale is a bold beer, from Montana. And as we all know Montana is the wild west. My only beef with this beer is the label. I think it should have been something more along the lines of these guys fishing, for these fish. But that is just me. Regardless of the label, this beer is extra tasty. It is your classic ale with a strong, hoppy taste, and sort of a fruity finish. Overall a great beer. And I may only be saying that because of the awesome name, and the fact that it is from Montana, but what can I say? I am easy that way.

The Doc's Clock and Frank Chu Conspiracy

The Doc's Clock is a funky little place in the mission. It used to be right next to a funky club called 12 Galaxies. Until that club shut down 6 months ago. Now it is the funky little place right next to that abandoned building. 12 Galaxies was no doubt the funkiest music venue around mainly because it got its name from this guy:

Frank Chu doing what he does best.

Frank Chu is the man everyone knows in the bay area. Much like the tamale lady, and the pink unitard guy on a unicycle, he is a local legend. If you attend any large event, he will be there. If you find yourself on Market street at the right time, he will be there. Hell even if you attend a small club with just a few people hanging out, Frank Chu will be there. His form of protest is slight, and in large part impossible to understand. He is calling for the impeachment of Bill Clinton (still), but not for the reasons you've already heard (giggity). Apparently Bill had the CIA withhold Frank's payment for being on a T.V. show called "The Richest Family." His work is tireless and I really commend him for his determination. But beyond all that, Frank Chu is simply an affirmation that you are at a worthy event. Because if Frank Chu is there, you better hope you are too!

No I wasn't contemplating all this while whizzing at the Doc's Clock, it is just hard to tell the story of Doc's, without the story of the 12 Galaxies, and not also mention Frank Chu. So on to Docs Clock...

I love Doc's cause of all the P.B.R memorabilia on the walls, they also have shuffleboard, and a good beer selection. Everything you need for a good night out. It is a very chill place, it seems like most people find a booth and hang out and chat, which is really what bars are for. Not too much booty shakin goin on here, just libations over conversation.

The bathroom was great. Though cramped, and a little awkward with other people present (isn't it always), they do have cool things to look at. Plastered all over the walls are old calenders with pin-up girls. And as I have come to find out, pin-up girls are the classiest way to ogle women. This one was right above the urinal as you can see, though the flash sort of destroys it, she was a beautiful sight.



With that sexy thought I leave you. I leave you with dreams of pin-up girls and Frank Chu... Phixgrostrenikul bitches!

Show me your Elbo

The Elbo Room in S.F. is sort of a best of both worlds situation. Because it is both a bar and music venue, yet separates the two. Music is upstairs, bar is downstairs. So when they do have music, you don't have to pay a cover just to hang out and get drunk. It is a bar that is hard to label, as it attracts a very diverse crowd. Yet it is quite down to earth thankfully. The music acts it finds to play upstairs are usually an eclectic mix of beats, funk, and reggea. Though I don't think they ever really have any rock acts play (which is why I've only been here twice). I do like this bar, they have a great beer selection, and best of all they have a cool photobooth.

Second best part is the rabit above the bar.

Again I had to flex my super sweet ninja camera skills (SSNCS for short) to get a picture of this bathroom. You literally walk around a corner and you are in the bathroom, one urinal, one formal toilet. I felt like I was taking a wizz behind a tree just off the interstate, you're a little bit hidden and maybe no one is looking...maybe. Lets just say it is a little exposed. And don't think the ladies were excluded, no it was the same for them. I had to remind myself to zip up BEFORE I turned around to save myself the embarrasment of flashing my willy to the entire bar. I guess having it this way keeps people from tagging, and stickering the crap out of the walls. Though I have stated before that I enjoy random tags and such, and enjoy when bars embrace it.

Sparse yet pleasant

One thing I don't get is how bathroom floors get wet like this one was. Seriously the entire area had a good half inch of water on it. There was no sink and the toilet flushed fine. Someone should check the plumbing!

Our next stop after the Elbo Room, was the Docs Clock. Though I am trying to milk this one night for all it's got, so I am just gonna go ahead and make you wait for that one. Till then, Cheers!

About the clown...

Friday night saw me out at The Bottom of the Hill. One of the greatest and bestest music venues in the bay area. And better yet, the show we saw was a part of Noise Pop 2009. Noise Pop is on par with SXSW (most the bands we saw are headed south [by southwest]). Only Noise Pop hasn't been blown up by the media and overrun with lame-wads. Needless to say it was awesome to be out at this venue for this event. I didn't know any of the bands that were playing, but was pleasantly surprised by these guys: Kinch. Though the headliners Friday night didn't do much for me, I still enjoyed the show. That was due in large part to this guys hair...

Yes folks that's a mullet with a cheek strap.

The Cheek Strap is popular with those trying to get away from the traditional Chin Strap, and who don't want to go with the full on beard. And the mullet, well it is just bad, so bad it's awesome. Such awesomeness has a word, and that word is: radtarded. This guy's hair would not be the last of the radness. Not by a long shot. But being that technically I'm here writing about restrooms and not radtarded hair, I should go ahead and mention the sweet men's room action.


It was high time for the quintessential music venue bathroom (MVB for short). Whilst doing my bizz, I thought that it would be an interesting experiment to check out some or all of the bands that have plastered their stickers on the walls of this place. I love when I walk into a restroom and feel a part of history. I like it even more when that history is plastered, scribed, and etched all over the walls. I didn't see it on Friday, but just now I spied a sticker from one of my favorite bands, Day One Symphony. Their sticker is right above the busted ass towel dispenser. I have seen these guys live many times, and every time they were at the Bottom of the Hill. Just do me a favor go to their myspace and listen to Coma Bath, you will not be disappointed.

After taking in the music, and more than a few pints of Fat Tire, we hit the dusty trail and made our way to bart. Then things got weird. And by weird, I mean completely awesome.


Because there was a clown on board. He made balloon animals and everything. Not that I am into clowns that much, it is just the sort of random thing you find on a bart train late at night. Not to mention he was playing music from a discman (yes a discman!) hooked up to a pink amplifier. The looks on people's faces as they entered the car was priceless. So between clowns on bart and mullet/cheek strap combinations, I would have to say this night was one for the ages. A classic, and I am glad I could share the oddities with you... my one reader...

Also visited a couple other bar bathrooms on saturday night, but will save those for later.